The Witch Weekly Quiz by Rita Skeeter
by formerlyknownasone
Summary: Draco takes a really stupid quiz. Involving Hermione. A DMHG oneshot. Read and Review!


**Yay! Another story of mine! I will be going on a holiday soon, so I probably can't update very often for the next week. So this may be the last oneshot from me this week. If you review more for this and my other fics though, I may pop up again sooner than expected! Please read and review this and my other stories. A DMHG one shot again, this one is a funny piece.**

**I solemnly swear that these characters are not mine.**

Draco Malfoy is on a mission. A top-secret mission. If anyone finds out about it, he will be dead. That's right, dead. No one, absolutely no one, could discover about this. NO ONE.

It was nine o' clock at night, and Draco Malfoy was once again ready to continue his mission. Slipping past three Ravenclaws, dodging a couple of ghost and turning three corridors later, Draco assumed that he was safe. He sighed, slumped against the wall in an empty classroom, and pulled out a cleverly-disguised pile of paper. He tapped it with his wand twice, and it revealed its true form.

Now, in his hand, was a glossy colourful magazine, and emblazoned on top in neon-pink words were the betraying words 'WITCH WEEKLY'.

(Don't worry my readers, dear Mr Draco Malfoy here is certainly NOT female. Nor does his has doubts about his sexuality. No, he is NOT gay, so girls, don't panic yet. He does not collect the cooking recipes in it too. So you may ask, what on earth is he doing, reading a Witch Weekly Magazine?)

It was very difficult to obtain this magazine, very difficult indeed. Draco had to risk his life ( and reputation) in order to get this particular copy. At last, he used a very clever sleeping potion and a hot Firewhiskey on Pansy Parkinson and managed to snag it.

Trembling, he quickly turned past the cover, where a hot-looking witch was winking at him. He continue flipping, his face flushed, until he reached page fifty-three.

HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE IN LOVE, screamed the words, all capitalized and red. Draco Malfoy quickly shut the magazine, feeling more embarrassed by the second. How could he be so stupid?

He, Draco Malfoy, had suspected that he may have fallen for Hermione Granger. Yes, that's right. He wasn't sure whether he like Hermione or not. And he needed confirmation.

Obviously, he couldn't go around babbling issues like these to his mother. Nor did he think Crabbe and Goyle would understand. So what could he do? He consulted the next best thing around, which was...

A Witch Weekly magazine quiz.

He was that desperate, huh? But how else could he find out? He had thought it was just some simple sexual tension or something between him and Hermione, and it would blow over soon. But days became weeks, and then fortnights, and then months. But he was still undeniably attracted to the pretty girl, and her image often popped into his mind. This thought disturbed him too much, he needed to know the truth.

Hesitatingly, he sat down at a dusty desk nearby, and opened the magazine to the same page again.

_HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE IN LOVE _

_by the devastatingly gorgeous Rita Skeeter _

Oh great, he had to resort to trusting Rita Skeeter. He sighed.

_Don't understand why you keep looking in her direction? Or find him looking absolutely gorgeous? Is this love, or just merely infatuation? Rita Skeeter, 46, attractive single blonde and resident love expert at Witch Weekly , helps you find out with a very simple but effective quiz! _

He laughed, unable to wipe the smirk off his face. If she was such a love expert, why would Rita still be single at forty-six? Nevertheless he took out his quill, ready to fill out the quiz.

_Name of quiz taker? _Draco Malfoy

_Name of suspected love? _Hermione Granger, he wrote down. Okay, he was ready.

_Question 1 : What would you do if you someone kissing him/her? _

_a) Ask if you can join in. _

_b) Walk away and do nothing. It doesn't affect you._

_c)Throw yourself down the stairs, or any other attempt that will end your life. _

_d)Punch the someone right in the eye, and hex him/her to oblivion. _

Draco ticked the last choice immediately, smirking. That's _exactly _what happened to Ron Weasley just three weeks ago, compliments of him. Ron still had that black eye now. This was definitely his first choice.

However, he couldn't help but wonder if he should have ticked choice 'c'. After all, that was what happened three weeks ago too. Of course, that was a complete coincidence. He just tripped and fell down the stairs. That's all. He didn't 'throw himself down the stairs' on purpose, as the article elegantly put it.

Moving on.

_Question 2 : What do you like most about him/her? _

_a) Her/his eyes. _

_b) Her/his personality. _

_c) Her/his legs._

_d)Her/his physical assets._

Draco chose 'b'. Yes, he had to admit, Hermione had indeed the most wonderful eyes, and a wonderful body to boot. But he was drawn to warm personality more than anything else. The way she was so loyal to her friends, the way she was always so darn determined... This was what attracted him to her.

_Question 3: What do you think is his or her best talent?_

_a) HOT sex!_

_b)The way she/he struts her stuff. _

_c)The way she/he make people laugh._

_d)The way she/he always seem to listen to people. _

Draco was about to chose 'd' again, but he hesitated. He quickly flipped to the back, and saw that 'd' gave him five points, while 'a' gave him zero. He quickly changed his answer to 'a'. He was sure that the magazine somehow factor in the fact that people always peek at answers. Right?

_Question 4: How often is he or she in your mind? _

_a) When I have manly/ womanly urges. _

_b) Sometimes. _

_c) Often. _

_d) Always. _

Draco circled 'd' again. He couldn't deny this. He would be thinking of her constantly, wondering what she was doing or how she felt about certain issues. He found himself thinking_ Hermione would like this, _or _Hermione would do it like that _unconsciously, no matter what happened.

Next, he thought.

The quiz went on, and on, asking stranger questions by the minute.

_Question fifteen: Where would you first shag her/him?_

_a) On the bed._

_b) In the shower._

_c)Out in the open._

_d)Anywhere, anytime._

Draco had no idea how this question had any relation to being in love, but apparently, according to the detailed explanation by Rita Skeeter in the article, it supposedly shows the what type of desire you have for him or her, and how much you respect them. Draco chose 'b'.

And so the article drag on. Draco had absolutely no bloody idea why girls seem to read this like it was the bible. It was long and draggy, and written by Rita Skeeter no less.

_Question Thirty: What, in your opinion, would you like to see most about him/her? _

_a) Her/his smile. _

_b) She/he naked. _

_c)Her/he being single._

_d)Her/ he holding hand with you._

He thought about this question for a while, before circling 'a' at last. True, he would love to be with her and holding her, but the truth is it would never happen. She would probably use a knife and hack him to pieces before he could even get ten-feet radius of her.

He would love to see her smile more often. Hermione was always too serious with her work, too focused. She didn't laugh as much as other people, nor does she frequently joke around. And usually, she would be visibly upset by her two idiot friends Harry and Ron. He didn't like seeing her hurt, or sad Draco wanted to see the softer side of Hermione, to see her smile. She didn't use her smile often enough, although she had a really pretty one.

Quickly, he tabulated his scores with the score sheet at the back. He got 133 points.

_100-150 points: Congratulations to you, lucky dog! You are in love love love!Tricky situation there if your partner doesn't love you back, though. You are absolutely head over heels in love with that lucky one, so if you don't grab that person now, don't blame us for that painful heartache you will suffer! Coincidentally, the sexy Rita Skeeter here also does a special advice column in Witch Weekly, so feel free to write in. Don't say we didn't warn you, because we did!_

Draco stared back at the article. What did it know anyway? It was probably just full of rubbish. He sighed, and continue staring at the dreaded article. There's probably some mistake... This must be wrong...

"Malfoy! what are you doing here?" came a booming voice. A voice that he recognised clearly. Shit.

There, standing at the doorway of the empty classroom he was in, was Hermione Granger. The one and only gorgeous Hermione Granger, looking annoyed. Just. His. Luck.

If she find out...

Shit shit shit.

She stormed towards him, saying angrily, " It is way after curfew! You are suppose to be patrolling around the corridor, like all the other prefects! AND- what is this?"

She was staring at the Witch Weekly quiz, and before Draco could react, she snatched the magazine and read it aloud.

" How to tell if You are in Love. Hmmm. The great Malfoy, in love? Tsk Tsk. Name to quiz taker? Draco Malfoy. Name of suspected love? Hermio-" Her voice faltered, as she saw her name on the quiz, and her eyes bulged.

It was too late. Hermione had started to read the quiz. When she finished, they were both silent. Draco was turning red in the face. She looked up at him.

" This is not some sick joke is it?" She asked, her voice unable to read. He shook his head.

"Oh."

That was it. The matter just blew up in his face like that. By the next morning, everyone will know that Draco Malfoy was in love with Hermione Granger, and how he was all over her. This spelt the end of his life.

" So you think I give great hot sex and you want to shag me in the showers?"

" Er..."

To his surprise, Hermione started to smile. Just like the one he always wanted to see. It was as pretty as he imagined, just like her. Hermione came closer to the very red Draco, and whispered in his ears.

" Would you like to find out?"

And with that, she kissed him, and the poor Draco, the boy who scored 133 points in the quiz of How to Tell if You are in Love, didn't put up a fight and simply just kissed back.

He was right about one thing though. By the next morning , everyone will know that Draco Malfoy was in love with Hermione Granger, and how he was all over her. Because she would be his his his, and he would make sure of that.

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!! And Just to let you know, all they end up doing was just simply kissing. Nothimg more... you perverts.**


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